


Blackberry Blossoms

by transking_23



Series: I Stole His Girlfriend [1]
Category: Little Mix (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cancer, F/F, F/M, Gay Love Saves The Day, Niall Horan | James, bi Perrie Edwards, bi original characters, zerrie friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:54:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 9,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28044270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transking_23/pseuds/transking_23
Summary: My name is Ezra Patience Thorne. I’m a black Irish girl, and my family moved from Ireland to America when I was 16. People at school made fun of me for being a “white” black girl. I also have cancer. I miss my best friend James a lot; I haven’t seen him since my family moved from Mullingar when I was 10. He and I sent letters back and forth up until a month ago, when he stopped sending them for some reason. I won’t hold it against him if or when we meet again, because I know it’s because he’s probably busy with his own life. I still send letters to him when I have time, and I’m hoping that the colleges in Ireland that I sent applications to will accept me so I can go home. I have a few siblings, named Skylar, Jack, Samantha, and Dylan. All four of them are older than me and very protective. They promised to visit me at the college I get accepted at, and that I’ll find a way to beat the cancer. I hope they’re right.
Relationships: Perrie Edwards & Zayn Malik, Perrie Edwards/Original Female Character(s)
Series: I Stole His Girlfriend [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2144868





	1. Chapter One

They announced it during lunch. My parents, that is. I was a few years out of high school, but it didn’t make things easier. I could still look out the window and remember the days of being bullied as if they’d only just happened. It hadn’t helped that my classmates hadn’t known about the cancer. It hadn’t helped that none of my siblings had come with us to America.

“Tháinig do litir ghlactha.” (Your acceptance letter came.) Mam told me in Irish, her green eyes bright.

We always spoke Irish at home. It was easier than trying to remember all the English our family had learned. English was hard to speak, there were too many words. No one at school spoke Irish, so I’d struggled in my classes. We’d moved to America when I was 16, too old to forget home. Too old to adjust to the harsh language or the strange way of teaching. My papa had gotten a job offer, one that was supposed to pay more than our bookshop back in Waterford. We’d moved there from Mullingar when I was 10, and my parents had torn me from my only friend when we moved the second time. I’d never see James again because of our move to America. My older siblings had moved back to various parts of Mullingar, and they wrote me letters so we could keep in touch. Letters were more personal than phone calls.

“Cé acu?” (Which one?) I asked, crossing my fingers for luck as I hoped it was one of the colleges I’d applied to in Ireland.

I really wanted to go home before my time ran out.

“An ceann i Doncaster.” (The one in Doncaster.) She said, and my face fell.

I’d be closer to home, but it was still too far. My dreams of going home were slipping through my fingers. How would I even pay living costs on top of my medicine and appointments?

I immediately left our kitchen/dining room and went to my room to pack. Papa’s job had paid half as much as the bookshop while he had it, which meant we only had enough for a two-bedroom apartment. I had enough things to fill a small suitcase and a backpack, and all the letters I’d received from James and my sublings went in the small pocket of my backpack so I didn’t lose them. When I was done packing, only my furniture and bedding were left in my room. I was ready to leave for Doncaster, but not before telling my parents goodbye. I still had to buy a plane ticket anyway.

“Mam, Papa, cé mhéad a chosnaíonn ticéad eitleáin?” (Mam, Papa, how much does a plane ticket cost?) I asked as I left my room.

“Maidir le 100 Us dollar, grá.” (About 100 US dollars, sweetheart.) Mam said as I set my things by the door.

The backpack was my clothes and the letters from James and my siblings, the suitcase was for my notebooks, hygiene products, writing utensils, camera, my stationery, and all my other little nicknacks I brought from home. I was ready to go to Doncaster, because I’d be closer to home than I was right now. I messed with my currently purple hair, and debated whether to dye it again or let it go back to brown. I was going to Doncaster, and it was so much closer to home. If I knew how to dance, I would’ve.

“Patience, cheannaigh tú ticéad duit cheana féin. Bhí a fhios againn gur mhaith leat dul a luaithe agus is féidir.” (Patience, we already bought a ticket for you. We knew you'd go as soon as possible.) Mam told me, and I grinned.

“Mam, is fearr leat.” (Mam, you’re the best) I hugged her, and Papa tried to smile; he smelled like whiskey and vodka as usual.

I left about ten minutes later, heading to the airport to start my life. I was going to Doncaster, but I missed home so much it hurt. I relaxed as I made it to the airport with time to spare. My flight left in half an hour, and my stuff was carry-on only. My lucky blackberry blossom necklace that James had given me for my tenth birthday hung around my neck like always, the green stone catching the light and shining as I waited for my flight to be called.


	2. Chapter Two

“Flight 349 to Doncaster now boarding.” The intercom said, and I made my way to the gate with my bags.

I got in my seat, and bit my lip as I realised it was a window seat. I was going to just not look out the window, I told myself. I was just going to not look out the window, and everything would be fine.

“Hey there.” A blonde guy said, taking a seat in my row.

I gave him a tentative smile, gripping the armrests of my seat as the plane prepared for takeoff. The blonde guy noticed my uneasiness and frowned, moving to say something as the plane moved down the runway. I was terrified when the plane left the ground, and tried to focus on my breathing like Mam had taught me. I could focus on the blonde guy’s words now, which helped me calm down further.

“I’m guessing you don’t like planes?” He asked, and I noticed he was the only one other than me in our row; the aisle seat was empty.

“Not in the slightest.” I murmured, and he frowned at me.

“Then why’re you on the plane?” He asked with the strangest confused expression I’d ever seen.

“Because it’s cheaper than getting on a boat.” I murmured, wanting to be left alone; I wanted James here with me, with his bright blue eyes and quiffy brown hair.

“I’m Niall, by the way.” He said, holding his hand out.

“Ezra.” I gave him a watery smile and shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you, Ezra.” Niall grinned, and I could hear a soft Irish accent in his voice.

Maybe he was going to Ireland, but I felt like I’d met someone who could be my friend. 

“I’m heading to Doncaster to start college. What about you, Niall?” I asked.

“Heading to Doncaster to surprise a friend.” Niall smiled.


	3. Chapter Three

Niall and I talked for the rest of the flight, playing games of 20 Questions to get to know each other. I learned his favourite colour was green, he had four best friends he couldn't live without, and he was going to Doncaster to surprise one of them for his birthday. Likewise, I told him I was 23, my last name was Thorne, my favourite animal was the unicorn, and I came from Ireland like he did. We made jokes and talked for the rest of the flight, and Niall lit up when I suggested we swap numbers so we could keep in touch. He handed me his phone, and I put my contact in as  **< 3Ezra<3** before giving it back to him. I chuckled as I saw he’d put his contact in as  **Irish Unicorn** ; I changed it to 🇮🇪🦄.

“You’re my Irish unicorn now, no arguing.” I said, and Niall and I laughed.

“We’re friends now, you can’t escape it.” Niall gave me a bright smile, and I smiled back.

It was the first genuine smile I’d given since my parents had taken me from James, and it was because of my new friend Niall that I was smiling again.

“Alright, friend.” I said with a grin, and Niall grinned back at me.

It didn’t take long for the two of us to start talking about interests and other things, and we learned quite a bit about each other. But I didn’t tell him about the cancer, or James, or anything too personal. I didn’t learn much about Niall’s personal life either, which seemed fair since I wasn’t telling him much about mine.


	4. Chapter Four

The two of us began to laugh again, and I managed to snag a picture of us on my phone before setting it as his contact picture. Niall grinned, pointing out the window and trying to get me to look as well.

“Niall, no.” I said, and he gave me the puppydog eyes that almost broke my will.

No, I wasn’t going to give in. I had to resi- and now my will is crumbling because he added in a pouty lip. Curse Niall for being so cute.

I looked out the window, and my breath was taken away. The night skyline was gorgeous, and I turned to Niall to tell him so. He was holding his phone with the camera facing me. The cheeky leprechaun had taken a picture while I was distracted! 

The plane hit a bit of turbulence, and I immediately grabbed Niall’s arm in fear. He laughed at my fear, and put his hand on mine to calm me down.

“It’s alright, just turbulence. No need to worry, Ezra.” Niall tried to assure me.

“We’re gonna die oh my god Niall we’re gonna die the plane’s gonna go down and we’re gonna die.” I said as fast as I possibly could, terrified.

“Ezra, calm down. Breathe, come on.” Niall said as I began to hyperventilate, which only made my lungs hurt.

“Niall the plane’s gonna go down and we’re gonna die and you want me to calm down when we’re gonna die how could you.” I got out in one breath, and Niall put a hand on my back.

“Breathe, Ezra. In, out. In, out. In, out.” Niall guided me through a breathing exercise, and I gradually calmed down with his help.

“Thanks, Niall.” I murmured, wanting to be with James again; I needed my best friend, but he’d stopped sending letters a month ago.

“I can’t just let my new friend pass out.” He said, earning a laugh from me.

“Niall, we’ll meet up when I have breaks from my classes, right?” I asked, and Niall grinned.

“If I’m in town we will. No way are you getting rid of me that easily.” Niall said, and the two of us made plans to meet again when we had time.

“Why is your name surrounded by hearts?” Niall asked when he looked at my contact.

“To make you ask questions.” I smiled, and Niall chuckled as he pressed some buttons; I assumed he was changing it.

“There. Now they’re proper hearts.” Niall showed me what he’d done, which was replace the  **< 3** s with actual heart emojis; my name now read  **💚Ezra💚** .

“You know, if your friends see my contact they’ll think we’re dating.” I said, making me and Niall laugh.

“Let them, it’ll be fun to see their reactions when they meet you.” Niall said, and the plane soon landed.


	5. Chapter Five

Niall let me hold his hand as we landed, and I smiled at him gratefully as the plane came to a stop. We got our things, and headed into the airport.

“Ohmygosh it’s Niall Horan!!!” A teenage girl screamed, and Niall paled.

He grabbed my hand and we ran for it. I was thankful all my bags were on me, and that none of them were liable to fall off. We made it to a black car, and Niall made me go in before him. Even though we’d only just met, he was so much like James it hurt.

“Sorry about the fans, they can be a bit intense.” Niall apologised, and I was confused.

“Fans? Are you famous or something?” I asked, and Niall chuckled.

“I’m in a famous band, actually.” He said, and I blushed in embarrassment.

“I didn’t know.” I said as I fiddled with my necklace, hoping he wouldn't tease me.

“And I’m glad you didn’t, because that means you actually want to be my friend, not just be friends with a celebrity.” Niall smiled and the car began driving somewhere.


	6. Chapter Six

“You should probably warn your friends you’ve kidnapped me. My parents are probably wondering if I made it safely, too.” I pointed out, and we took our phones out to call.

I dialled Mam’s number, and put the phone to my ear. Mam answered within a few minutes.

“Chuaigh Mam, mo phlána i dtír go sábháilte agus táim ar mo bhealach chun na hollscoile.” (Mam, my plane landed safely and I'm on my way to the university.) I told her, and Niall looked at me like he hadn’t thought I’d speak Irish to my mother.

“Iontach, Patience. An bhfuil tú cinnte go mbeidh tú ceart go leor i dtír eile? Níl tú ag iarraidh go dtiocfaidh do athair nó domsa?” (Wonderful, Patience. Are you sure you are going to be alright in another country all by yourself? You don't want your father or me to come?) Mam asked, and I told her I was alright.

The call lasted a few more minutes, and then I hung up.

Niall had the driver bring my things to my new flat once I told him the address, and said to celebrate us getting away from the fans alive he wanted to get us ice cream. I offered to pay several times, but Niall turned me down each time. The damn leprechaun was adamant he pay, though I managed to sneak in a pound when he wasn’t looking. Which he immediately put back in my hand.

“Ezra, let me pay.” Niall insisted, closing my hand around the pound.

“Niall, no. you already saved me from your enthusiastic fans, at least let me split the bill with you.” I said, and he sighed.

“Never, have I ever had problems with someone trying to pay instead of me.” He looked like he was in new territory.

“My mam taught me to always make sure the other person I’m with knows I’m willing to pay if I have money on me.” I told him honestly, and Niall chuckled.

“Your mam sounds smart.” He commented as we got our ice cream and began walking to my flat.

“She is. Papa works, Mam does everything else on top of her own job. Though, I wish we hadn’t left home.” I admitted as we talked, and Niall raised an eyebrow in question.

“Home? You mean you don’t live in Ireland?” He asked.

“No, Papa got a job in America. We were told it would pay more than the bookshoppe… and it didn’t.” I said softly, losing my appetite for the Irish Mocha Chocolate Chip ice cream Niall had gotten for me.

Talking about sad things always made me lose my appetite; something that had let James know whenever I was sad, because I wouldn't eat. Why did being around Niall make me think of James so much? Was it because they had the same eye colour?


	7. Chapter Seven

We talked for a while longer, and then Niall offered to help me unpack my things at my flat. I declined, saying it wasn’t much and that some of my things were very personal. He understood, thankfully, that I didn’t want him to see some of my things.

“I’ll see you later?” Niall asked with a hint of nervousness, hands in his pockets.

“Text me when you’re free, since classes don’t start until next month.” I smiled, and he grinned.

“Alright. It was nice meeting you, Ezra.” Niall gave me a hug before he left, and I smiled to myself before going to unpack my things.

The letters from James and my siblings went in the topmost drawer of my dresser, set neatly in the back left corner so they wouldn’t get disturbed along with the box of blackberry blossoms, my knicknacks went alongside them carefully, and my clothes went in the drawers below them. I had to find hope; hope that I would find him again before I died. I couldn’t just give up on finding my best friend in the entire world. Not when he was the only one who knew I was lesbian.

**✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧**

**✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧**

Three days later, I got a text from Niall.

**🇨🇮🦄: Wanna hang out?**

**💚Ezra💚: Where @?**

**🇨🇮🦄: I don’t know**

**💚Ezra💚: Show up @ my flat in ½ an hour and we’ll go from there?**

**🇨🇮🦄: Sure. See you soon :)**

I smiled at the smiley, and got dressed in a simple t-shirt and jeans. My hair got brushed, and I tied it back in a simple ponytail. The only jewellery I wore was the blackberry blossom charm and a bracelet Jack had given me for my birthday a few years ago.

Once I was completely ready, I sent a text to Niall saying so. He immediately texted back that he thought girls were supposed to take a long time getting ready, with a smiley face at the end. I chuckled to myself, and made myself a cup of Irish breakfast tea to drink while I waited.

Literally right as I was about to take the first sip, my doorbell rang. I looked through the peephole, and smiled when I saw Niall there. I opened the door, and Niall grinned at me.

“Hey, Ezra. Ready?” He asked, and I chuckled.

“I thought you were gonna take longer to get here, dude. I literally just made a cup of tea to drink while I waited.” I said, giving him a hug.

“Did you really think that?” Niall pouted, and I laughed.

“I’ll put the tea in the fridge for when I get back.” I smiled and did as I said, then walked back to him.

“Shall we?” Niall said, imitating a posh British accent, his arm held out for me.

“We shall.” I laughed as I linked our arms, and Niall led me outside.


	8. Chapter Eight

We walked around for a while, Niall making sure to keep his sunglasses on so he wouldn't get recognised, and talked about anything and everything. We never asked each other personal questions, which I was glad for. If he asked about friends I had I wouldn't know what to do; James was my only friend other than Niall. James was someone I could send letters to when I needed to remind myself why I had to stay strong and fight the cancer. I could send letters to my siblings and James’ brother as well, but James was my go-to to write to.

“You wanna meet my mates, Ez?” Niall asked, and I chuckled.

“Sure.” I smiled, messing with my hair.

We walked to his mate’s flat then, and Niall held the door for me as we got to the flat building. We joked together a little while we walked to his friend’s flat, and Niall grinned at me as we raced up the stairs to see who would get to the third floor first.

Naturally, we tied and argued about who won for a good few minutes while we walked to his friend’s door.

“Niall, why the  _ fook _ are you talking so loudly outside my flat?” A brunette with piercing blue eyes said, then caught sight of me.

“Sorry about Niall, he’s just-” He started to say, but was cut off when I started chuckling.

“He’s my friend, too. And sorry, we were arguing about who got to the third floor first.” I said, and Brunette seemed shocked.

“Niall, you have other friends?” He asked in surprise.

“Is it that hard to believe?” Niall pouted, and Brunette and I chuckled.

“Anyway, to what do I owe the pleasure of being woken up at arse o’clock in the morning?” Brunette said with obvious sarcasm in his voice.

“It’s ten, Louis.” Niall deadpanned.

“Maybe he doesn’t like getting up this early cause we’re Irish.” I joked, and Brunette-  _ Louis _ blinked at me.

“You’re Irish?” He said, rubbing at his face to get rid of the sleep.

“I thought it was obvious…” I trailed off, and Louis gestured for us to walk in.

Niall and I followed him inside the flat, and I spotted two other guys playing FIFA on the telly while sitting on the couch, a third laying on their laps and seeming to be asleep.

“Liam, wake up Zayn. Nialler’s brought a new friend.” Louis said, and a man with brown eyes and a brunette quiff shook the guy laying on him and the other guy.

“Z, get your ass off me and Haz.” Quiff-  _ Liam _ shoved the sleeping guy until he fell, upon which he woke up and looked reproachfully up at the two on the couch.

Alright, so quiff is Liam, curly is Haz, and sleeping dude was Zayn. I didn't understand what kind of name Haz was, so maybe it was a nickname.

“I’m gonna fit right in. I used to do that with James all the time.” I said with a grin, my smile falling slightly at the mention of James, who I hadn’t seen since I was ten.

“Who?” Liam asked curiously.

“My best friend.” I smiled, and Niall looked at me.

“I thought I was your friend.” He pouted.

“He’ll always come first. You’re a close second, even though I only met you like a month ago.” I chuckled.

“Wait, you and Niall met a month ago? And he hasn’t introduced you to us before?” Haz gave Niall a confused look.

“What’s your name, love? I don’t think anyone’s introduced us properly.” Zayn asked.

“I’m Ezra.” I said, and their faces at that made me laugh.

“Two hearts Ezra?” Liam asked, almost choking on air.

“One on each side. It was to make Niall ask questions.” I smiled, and Louis laughed.

“I like you already.” He grinned.

“Lots of people do, but it takes a while for me to warm up to others.” I smiled back, and Niall raised an eyebrow at me.

“But you were laughing and joking with me within an hour of us knowing each other.” He questioned me.

“You remind me of James, alright.” I shrugged, and Liam raised an eyebrow.

“Niall’s like your best friend?” Zayn was confused.

“Yep. I haven’t seen James since I was ten though, when my family and I moved. We still write back and forth to keep in contact.” I smiled, and Niall almost choked on his croissant.


	9. Chapter Nine

When and where did Niall get a croissant? I wanted one, and I wanted to know where his came from.

“I feel like I should be jealous of him, but I’m not.” Niall said after recovering.

“Good, cause he will always be superior.” I smiled.

“Hey.” Niall gave me a mock hurt look, and I stole his croissant.

“Ezra!” Liam looked like he was afraid for me, and I took a bite of the croissant despite the warning looks.

Niall looked at me like I had just killed a baby, and I handed his croissant back to him as I chewed.

“No one steals Niall’s food, Ezra. It’s a rule, and one that means a very sad Irishman if broken.” Zayn said seriously.

“I just wanted a croissant.” I said in my defense, and Niall finished off the croissant before giving me a sour look.

“You took my croissant.” He pouted.

“I gave it back.” I said, wrapping my arm around his shoulders to console my fellow Irishman.

“What’s on your necklace?” Liam asked as Niall and I joined the three on the couch, Niall pulling me onto his lap.

“A blossom. James saved up for it. It was supposed to just be a birthday gift since I was turning ten, but it ended up being a going away present too.” I frowned a little at the memory of James’ watery blue eyes and the way he made me promise not to forget him; I couldn't forget about James if I wanted to.

“You probably miss him a lot.” Haz said perceptively, and I nodded.

“I hope he still lives in Mullingar. I might even get up enough money to visit when vacation comes around.” I smiled at the thought of seeing James again.

“Anyway… Nialler, stop being possessive. Let Ezra be our friend too.” Zayn said, and I shrugged.

“No.” Niall stuck his tongue out at Zayn and held me tighter.

“He’s a pretty comfy seat, not sure I want to move.” I said.

“Alright, you can stay sitting on him.” Louis acquiesced.

“I call playing winner in FIFA.” I said, and the boys remembered they’d been playing the game.

“You know how to play?” Liam questioned.

“I don’t know anyone who doesn’t.” I shrugged.


	10. Chapter Ten

Six months later, I was great friends with Niall and his band, along with Zayn. I also had a boyfriend now, named Michael Smith. He had blue eyes, short brown hair, tan skin, and he’d caught me when I tripped over the sidewalk during my first week of uni. He liked to play with my hair, and told jokes that were so bad they made me laugh. He lived just three flats down from me. Niall and his band, One Direction, had left for tour before I could introduce my friends to my boyfriend. So as far as they knew, I was still single. Zayn had left for his own tour the day after I’d met Michael.

Neither them nor Michael knew about the cancer, and I knew I had to tell them.

**Babe💗: I miss you**

**Princess💖: I miss you more**

**Babe💗: Can I come over?**

It always made me smile when Michael asked if he could come over, even though he knew he was allowed over whenever he wanted to see me. Considering we’d been going out for three months now, and he was still as kind and shy as ever.

**Princess💖: Of course you can. Just let me get dressed before I let you in**

I sent the text, then got dressed in a simple green shirt with some blue leggings and my boots.

Once I heard Michael knock on my flat door, I opened it for him. He came in, and his hair looked as if he hadn’t bothered to tame it when he woke up. I ran my fingers through his wild mane of curls, fixing them as Michael smiled down at me. He was a few inches taller than me.

“Ezra, have I told you how much I love you today?” He asked when I was done, his blue eyes still a little clouded from sleep.

“I don’t know, have you?” I teased, and my sleepy boyfriend chuckled before kissing my forehead.

The two of us drank tea while sitting on the couch, sitting in a silence I knew was only awkward for me. Michael had grown up in a small household, he was used to quiet. I’d grown up with James, his older brother Greg, and my own older siblings, and we had caused mischief together whenever the seven of us hung out; there had only been quiet like Michael was used to when the house was empty. I  _ needed _ noise to feel like it was okay. I  _ needed _ noise to feel like I wasn’t alone. I still had to tell Michael that I had cancer, and I wasn’t sure how he’d react.


	11. Chapter Eleven

“Mike, I have something I need to tell you.” I said, setting my tea down on the small battered coffeetable I had.

“What is it, sweetheart?” Michael asked, setting his own tea down as he realised this was serious.

“I have cancer.” I said, deciding to just rip the bandaid off.

Michael froze, and looked like he was having trouble understanding.

“You have cancer?” He asked like he didn’t want to believe me.

“Yes.” I looked at my hands, worried about how he’d react.

He was the first person I’d told in person other than my own parents. James, Greg, and my siblings knew from my letters, and they had sent me a box of dark chocolates (Greg), a bouquet of blackberry blossoms (James), an art set (Jack), blank canvases and an easel (Samantha), paintbrushes and a set of oil paints (Skylar), and an assortment of art supplies (Dylan) to cheer me up after I’d written to them about the diagnosis. I still had the bouquet, which was luckily made from fake blossoms, and I kept them and the letters from James and my siblings in the box the chocolates had come in. The art supplies were used whenever I could push through the pain enough and had inspiration.

“You kept it from me.” Michael sounded hurt, and I looked up to see his expression matched his voice.

“I told you, didn’t I?” I murmured, and Michael stood up.

“You still kept it from me, Ezra. You kept this from me for six months, and I don’t know if I can be with a liar. You could’ve been cheating on me this entire time for all I know. I can’t be with a slut or whore.” Michael said before leaving my flat and slamming the door, his tea still on the table.


	12. Chapter Twelve

I felt like crying when I was alone in my flat again. Michael had just broken up with me, and I hadn’t even had a chance to introduce him to my friends or family yet. I went on Facebook, and changed my status from taken to single with a tear falling down my cheek.

**🇨🇮🦄: Coming back to Doncaster in a week :)**

**💚Ezra💚: Can’t w8 2 c u**

I sniffed, wiping the tears away. I couldn't keep it a secret much longer, Liam had almost caught me taking the meds and Zayn had noticed I was in pain sometimes. They hadn’t asked questions, but I knew they were worried about it.

**🌪🎨: Up for a party when the boys and me are back in Doncaster?**

**E🇨🇮: Let me get my classes done. We can have it on Saturday :)**

I sighed before going to my bathroom and opening the medicine cabinet as I felt the cancer pain flare up.

Five pain medications, two sleeping medications, and some hygiene products stared back at me. I took the leftmost bottle of medication out and took a pill before putting it back. It was the weakest of the five pain medications, and would hopefully be enough for today.

I had an appointment with my new oncologist before the boys came back. Hopefully my levels had stayed the same, I wasn’t sure what I’d do if they’d fallen again.

**SkySky: I saw your status change. Who I gotta beat up?**

**Boo: He broke up with me :’(**

**SkySky: I repeat, who I gotta beat up?**

I put my phone on my nightstand and went to finish my tea to calm down. I hoped the meds would kick in soon, I needed to paint.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

A few days later, I was at the hospital for the appointment with my oncologist. I was waiting for news that either my levels had dropped again or they were the same.

“Ezra, I’m sorry to say your levels have dropped again. You’re going to have to leave university or risk being exposed to sickness that will decrease your levels further. If they decrease any further, you might need to become an in-patient.” My new oncologist, a kind doctor named Hary Tomlinsen, told me.

“Doctor Tomlinsen, with all due respect, I can’t quit university. I need to do something with what I have left of my life.” I replied, and the brunette sighed.

Unlike Harry, Dr. Tomlinsen wore his hair short (in the same style as Louis) and had piercing blue eyes. Dr. Tomlinsen was also shorter than Harry, and his tattoos were only visible when he took off his doctor jacket and wore short sleeves. Dr. Tomlinsen also told good jokes, which Harry had trouble doing. I couldn't wait for how the band reacted when they met him and his husband Lewis.

“I can’t force you to quit, Ezra, but it would be good for your health. Is there someone you can live with that knows about your condition?” Dr. Tomlinsen asked me.

“My parents live in America, my siblings live in Ireland, and the only one who knows here in Doncaster is my ex-boyfriend. He broke up with me when I told him.” I said in reply, and he frowned.

“Do you have any friends you could stay with, Ezra?” Dr. Tomlinsen asked as he finished signing something on my patient sheet.

“I have a few, but they don’t know.” I sighed, resigning myself to telling the guys about the cancer.

I’d tell them when they got back in town, I decided. I was going to tell them after the party, I didn’t want to bring them down when we were supposed to be celebrating. I didn’t want them to worry about me when we were supposed to be having fun.

“Then tell them. You either live with someone who can take care of you when you get worse, or you become an in-patient.” Dr. Tomlinsen said, and his husband Lewis walked in with lunch.

“Hey, babe.” Lewis smiled, and the two greeted each other with a kiss.

“Ez, how’s it going?” Lewis asked after he was done greeting his husband, his green eyes crinkling at the edges as he smiled.

Lewis was a bit taller than Dr. Tomlinsen, with curly brown hair (worn in Harry’s style, ironically), bright green eyes, dimples, and quite a few more tattoos than his husband. Lewis’s maiden name had also been Stiles, which I couldn't wait to bring into conversation when the band met them.

“Not as good as I’d like, Lew. My levels have dropped again.” I frowned, and he hugged me.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Lewis and I had immediately clicked upon meeting each other, which would seem strange if we’d met at the hospital. I’d been buying food at the grocer, and had been muttering about how stupid it was to put cabbage next to lettuce when I couldn't tell the difference; I’d been trying to buy lettuce, and Lewis had been trying to buy cabbage. We’d gone to separate cash registers, and as it turned out I’d bought cabbage and he’d bought lettuce; we’d found each other again outside the grocer and had swapped vegetables with a laugh. We’d become closer friends once we realised he was my doctor’s husband.

“Wanna get ice cream later to cheer up? I’m sure Hary wouldn't mind if I spent some time with you today. Right, honey?” Lewis turned to his husband, and Dr. Tomlinsen smiled.

“Of course not. Just don’t go overboard, and remember to take your medication, Ezra.” Dr. Tomlinsen told the two of us, and Lewis and I grinned.

Lewis and I headed for the mall to go shopping, and I was telling him about inside jokes I already had with the band as we walked around the stores and windowshopped. At Lewis’s demand I bought a lilac purple dress and some flower crowns, and I convinced him to buy some makeup with me. He joked with me as we talked, and offered to drive me back to my flat after we were done shopping. I declined, saying I’d take the bus back.

We bought some jewellery and makeup, and Lewis waved goodbye after making me promise to take my medicine when I got to my flat.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

The guys were coming back to Doncaster in less than three days. I still had to tell them about the cancer, and about how I’d die if I didn’t find a donor soon.

I leaned against the counter, sighing and taking a moment to try and  _ breathe _ for a moment. My body hurt, and I just wanted the cancer to be gone.

**🇨🇮⚡️: I have something to tell you guys after the party**

**Daddy D: Does it have to do with why your FB status changed to single?**

**🌪🎨: WHO**

**🇨🇮🥔: Okay tell me when and where I’ll get my brother to help me beat them up**

**🎄🎂: I still don’t like my name**

**French Fry: u dont see me complaining about mine**

**🌪🎨: I still wanna know who we gotta beat up**

**🇨🇮⚡️: It doesn’t have to do with him directly**

**🇨🇮🥔: I wanna know who tf broke up with E 😤😠**

**Daddy D: Z, d’you know?**

**🌪🎨: Nope**

**🇨🇮⚡️: I met him the day before Z left for his tour**

**🇨🇮⚡️: I should’ve known better**

I set my phone down, and pressed my hand to my chest as the pain hit. It hurt badly, and tears stung my eyes.

I focused on my breathing, pushing other things out of my mind to stay calm. 

I had to tell the boys before they found out on their own. I had to tell them before I died. I knew my chances of getting a transplant were slim at best, and that it was a miracle I’d survived this long with the cancer killing me slowly.

“Hello? Ezra?” Michael’s voice sounded at my flat door, followed by some knocking. “Ezra, please. I’m sorry, babe, can you please let me in?”

I glared at the door. After what he’d said to me, I never wanted to see Michael again. After what he’d accused me of, I didn’t want to try again with him.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

It was the day the boys were in town again, and I was cleaning up my flat so I could set up for the party. I’d blocked Michael’s number and had his socials blocked too.

I had the balcony windows open and had just finished cleaning when there was a knock at the door. I looked through the peephole and smiled a little when I saw it was Zayn.

None of the guys had been in my flat before, so I could maybe give them a tour when all of them got here. I let Zayn in with a smile, and the tan man walked in.

“This is a nice flat, Ez.” He told me, and I chuckled a little.

“Thanks, Zee.” I said, moving to the kitchen. “Feel free to explore, just don’t go in my room.”

He nodded and went onto the balcony to do something. I checked on the pasta, and smiled to myself when I saw it was cooking nicely. I had some mozzarella sticks I’d made, and some other finger food for the little party the six of us were having. I still had to find a moment to write letters to James, SkySky, JJ, Sammi, and Dee. I’d written them all just last week, but I still wanted to tell them about my life here.

“Ez?” Louis knocked on the door, and I let him in with a smile.

“Hey, Lou.” I greeted him, the Donnie boy surprising me with a hug after he walked in.

“Your flat’s nice, Ezra. Cozy feeling.” Louis said, going to sit on the couch after looking around a little.

“Zayn’s on the balcony, and I’ll tell you the same thing I told him. You can explore my flat, just don’t go in my room.” I smiled, and walked back into the kitchen to make sure the food didn’t burn.

My phone rang from where it was sitting on the counter, and Louis picked it up.

“Um, someone named Sammi Is The Greatest is calling?” He said confusedly, and handed the phone to me.

I answered with a chuckle.

“Hey, Sammi.” I greeted her.

“Hey boo. Mind ag rá liom cén fáth go bhfuaireamar amach ó SkySky gur bhris jackass leat?” (Hey boo. Mind telling me why we found out from SkySky that a jackass broke up with you?) Sammi asked, and I sighed.

“Ná maraigh é le do thoil, ní féidir liom duine ar bith agaibh a ghabháil.” (Please don’t kill him, I can’t have any of you get arrested.) I told her, resting the phone on my shoulder as I went back to cooking.

“An féidir liom tú a chur ar aghaidh chuig Dee, boo? Tá sé ag iarraidh labhairt leat.” (Can I pass you to Dee, boo? He wants to talk to you.) Sammi told me, and I smiled.

“Cinnte, déan cinnte nach gcloiseann JJ gur labhair mé le Dee ar dtús.” (Sure, just make sure JJ doesn’t hear that I talked to Dee first.) I smiled, and a moment later my brother was on the phone.

“Boo, an dtabharfaidh tú cuairt orainn? Nó ar a laghad inis dúinn cá bhfuil tú?” (Boo, you gonna visit us? Or at least tell us where you are?) Dylan asked, and there was a knock at the door.

It was probably either Niall or Liam, and I asked Louis to answer it.

“Tá mé i Doncaster, Dee. Scríobhfaidh mé litir go luath, geallaim.” (I’m in Doncaster, Dee. I’ll write a letter soon, promise.) I smiled, and my smile fell as I heard Michael’s voice at the door.

“B'fhéidir gur féidir liomsa agus leis an triúr eile cuairt a thabhairt am éigin?” (Maybe me and the other three can visit sometime?) Dylan asked hopefully, and I smiled.

“Beidh mé anseo, bro. Thig linn teacht le chéile don Nollaig?” (I’ll be here, bro. Let’s get together for Christmas?) I suggested.

“Ní féidir fanacht. Gotta go anois, JJ ag tabhairt an ceathrar againn go dtí bialann do bhreithlá Sky. Labhróidh mé leat níos déanaí, boo.” (Can’t wait. Gotta go now, JJ’s taking the four of us to a restaurant for Sky’s birthday. I’ll talk to you later, boo.) Dylan said, and I smiled.

“Cuirfidh mé a bronntanas sa phost arís nuair a bhfaighidh mé an t-am. Labhair le ya níos déanaí, Dee.” (I’ll mail her present over once I find the time. Talk to ya later, Dee.) I hung up, and went to where Louis was staring at Michael.

“Michael, go. After what you said, I never want to see you again.” I gave him as menacing a glare as I could, and Louis looked startled at how shaky my voice was.

“Ezra, I know I called you a whore and a slut, but I sw-“ Michael was cut off by Louis slapping him.

“Get out of here before I kick your ass.” Louis said, his voice dangerously calm.

Michael left, taking the warning for what it was. After he was gone, the tears started falling and I ran to my room and shut the door behind me. My eyes landed on the drawing I’d made when I was diagnosed.

My signature was in the top right corner, small enough it could be passed off as a meaningless scribble. Small enough people wouldn’t pay attention to it.

There was a knock on my bedroom door.

“Ezra? Ez, an féidir liom teacht isteach?” (Ezra? Ez, can I come in?)

Louis must’ve let Niall in after I ran into my room. I walked over to my bedroom door and opened it, Niall pulling me into a hug as soon as he saw the tears. I leaned into the hug, needing the comfort. Michael had ruined my good mood by reminding me of those hurtful things he’d said. I hugged back, burying my face in Niall’s shirt, my tears staining it as he held me close.

“Tá sé ceart go leor, E. Tá sé ag dul a bheith ceart go leor.” (It’s okay, E. It’s gonna be okay.) He murmured, and I just continued to hold onto him.

I could hear Louis talking to Zayn, but ignored it because I just wanted to feel better and Niall was hugging me tightly. Hearing him speak Irish was soothing, it reminded me even more of home. Even though I’d just finished talking to my siblings at most five minutes ago, hearing my native language in person helped more than my family realised.

“Chuir- chuir sé glaoch orm - chuir sé glaoch orm-“ (He- he called me a- he called me a-) I started to say, but Niall hushed me and held me for a few minutes longer.

“Tá a fhios agam, a dúirt Louis liom. Ní ligfidh mé dó gar duit, Ezra.” (I know, Louis told me. I won’t let him near you, Ezra.) Niall promised softly, and I sniffed.

“The- the food will burn.” I said, and Niall broke the hug so we could check on the food.

My bedroom door was shut again, and I noticed Liam was in the kitchen when Niall and I walked in. He was checking on the pasta, making sure the mozzarella sticks were staying warm, and that the crisps and dip weren’t too warm or cold.

“Hey, Liam.” I said quietly, and the brunette looked up with a small smile.

“Hey, Ez. We’re just waiting on Harry to get here now.” He said, not commenting on the teartracks or the wet stains on Niall’s shirt.

Zayn came up behind Niall, and he had a cigarette in his hand.

“Wanna go for a smoke together?” He offered, and I knew it was his way of offering to talk. 

He’d overheard what Michael had said most likely, and wanted to make sure I was fine. I nodded, and the two of us stepped onto the balcony.

I walked onto the balcony with Zayn, and accepted a cigarette from him as the two of us leaned against the balcony railing. Even though I was already dying from one cancer, I needed the courage nicotine gave me to tell the boys that I was dying. I needed to tell them tonight, while everyone was here. I wanted to tell them all at once, it would be easiest.

“Don’t believe what that asshole said, Ezra.” Zayn told me, blowing smoke into the night air.

“He called me those things because it took me six months of knowing him to tell him something very important. He threw a hissy fit because I didn't tell him the day I met him.” I said, breathing out my own lungful of smoke.

“Then he wasn’t worth it. He’s still not worth it because he said those lies about you.” Zayn took another drag of his cigarette, and I followed suit.

“We should go inside to the others soon, the food will get cold.” I said, taking one last long drag of my cigarette before stubbing it out on the balcony railing.

“You’re right. Besides, your cooking smelled wonderful when I walked in earlier.” Zayn smiled as he stubbed out his own cigarette and followed me inside.

We walked in just as Niall was opening the door for Harry, and I greeted him with a smile. I was going to tell the five of them tonight, I had to get it off my chest. I had to tell them before it got worse and they had to find out from visiting me in the hospital. I couldn’t keep it to myself for much longer, the guilt was piling up the more I kept it a secret from them. But I’d wait to tell them until after we ate, I didn't want to ruin anyone’s appetite.

We ate the food I’d made that Liam had made sure didn't burn, and then the six of us sat in the living room area I had. The balcony doors were shut, and it was beginning to rain outside. I wanted to put off telling the five of them for as long as I could, but I needed to get it over with. I had to tell them before I chickened out and they had to find out from visiting me in the hospital.

“So what’s the thing you wanted to tell us?” Liam asked after a moment, and I took a small breath.

“I’m dying.” I said, deciding I had to be blunt about it.

“Good one.” Niall laughed, followed by Harry.

Louis, Liam, and Zayn weren’t laughing. Neither was I. 

It took a moment or two, and Harry was the first to stop laughing when he took in my serious face, followed closely by Niall.

“You’re serious.” Harry said, taking in my unsmiling face.

“I wish I wasn’t.” I sighed, looking towards the balcony at the pouring rain.

“But you don’t look like you’re dying.” Niall protested, and I sighed softly.

“People don’t look like they have cancer even when they do, Ni.” I mumbled, and it was clear that at least Zayn had heard if his sharp intake was anything to go off of.

“You have cancer?” He asked, and then it was dead silent.

“My family knows, so do James and his family.” I said softly, and suddenly I was being hugged.

Zayn looked like he wanted to say something but wouldn't, and Niall looked like he was about to cry. The blonde Irishman was the one hugging me, holding on like he was scared I’d disappear if he let go.

“Why do bad things happen to good people?” Louis looked like he was about to cry, and joined in hugging me.

I hugged back, and relaxed. I felt better after having told them, the guilt leaving.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

It was a few weeks later, and I was at an appointment with Hary again when my phone pinged with a text from one of the boys.

**🌪🎨: I’m bored. Can I come over?**

**🇮🇪⚡️: At hospital rn. Maybe once I’m done**

**🌪🎨: YOU’RE AT THE HOSPITAL?!?!?!**

**🇮🇪⚡️: Appointment w the doc**

I smiled fondly at how worried Zayn had gotten, and Hary chuckled.

“It’s good to see you happy, Ezra.” He told me as Lewis ran in out of breath.

“Babe there’s this guy who looks just like you in the lobby but he isn’t you and-“ Lewis managed to get out before he had to stop so he could breathe.

What was Louis doing in the hospital? He didn’t know this was where my oncologist worked, so he had to be here for a different reason.

“It’s probably Louis. He’s one of my friends who knows now.” I assured Lewis, who didn’t look very assured.

“But he looks like Hary and I almost walked up to him and kissed him but then I remembered that Hary doesn’t have a break for a while so I was about to scold him but then Janice called him up and she said Mr. Tomlinson but that’s me and I got so confused and thought it was Hary but then he said just Louis please and-” Lewis said, starting to talk really fast instead of his usual slow drawl.

“Lewis Patrick Jacob Tomlinsen, calm down.” I said sternly, full-naming him so he’d listen.

Lewis paled a little since I’d full-named him, but did calm down by taking deep breaths and letting them out slowly.

“Sorry, Ezra.” He apologised.


	18. Chapter 18

I opened one of the latest letters from my siblings, smiling at Jack’s effeminate and graceful writing.

_ My dearest little sister Ezra,  
_ _ I can’t wait for us to visit you for Christmas soon. How have you been lately? Any new gossip from James that you’ll probably share with me and our siblings when we get there? I still can’t believe you’re in university now, it seems like only yesterday you were just starting middle school. You better be prepared to have snowball fights with me and the others.  
_ __ -Jack, your favourite older brother (I know you won’t confirm it to spare Dylan’s feelings)

I chuckled at how he signed off, rolling my eyes affectionately even though he wasn’t here right now.

There was a knock at my flat door, and I set Jack’s letter down on the table before going to see who was at the door. I peered through the peephole, and smiled softly when I saw my smoking buddy. Well, one of them.

“Hey, Lou. What’s going on?” I said, smiling softly as he walked inside after I opened the door.

I pointedly didn’t mention how it looked like he’d been crying, or how he had bags under his eyes. If Louis wanted to tell me what was going on, he would. If he just wanted somewhere to stay for a while, he was welcome to the second bedroom in my flat. If he wanted to vent, I was willing to listen. That was the way our friendship went, the way my friendship with all the boys went.

“They won’t let me be free, Ezra.” Louis mumbled as I made us some tea, and I paused in what I was doing.

“Who won’t?” I asked, making sure I wasn’t too loud as I finished making the two of us some Yorkshire tea.

“Management. They fooking told me ‘n Haz that I’ve gotta have  _ another _ fooking beard and that I can’t even  _ sit _ next to him.” Louis said, sounding like he was this close to a breakdown.

“You know you two can always hide here, I have a spare room I can get ready.” I offered, and he gave me a slight smile.

“Ez, have I told you how fucking amazing you are lately?” Louis said, drinking some of his tea as I sipped mine.

“You told me over the phone a few days ago when you found the sweets I sent.” I smiled, and we started watching some football since neither of us wanted to smoke at the moment.

It was about four hours later that Louis left to go back to Harry, kissing my cheek and hugging me tightly before he was gone. I was alone in my flat again, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t have any inspiration to paint, the cancer pain didn’t hurt that bad right now, and I was sort of bored. I wanted to do something, but I didn’t have any idea of what to do. I had absolutely no idea of what to do with myself at the moment, though sleeping seemed like a good idea. The medicine I was taking to help combat my cancer symptoms seemed to drain me of energy, and naps were the quickest way to get that energy back.

Two hours later, I was woken up by someone ringing my flat’s buzzer. I got out of bed, still a bit tired, and went to the intercom thingy they had and pressed the button.

“Hello?” I asked, wondering who was at the flats.

“Ezra?” Harry’s voice called through the intercom.

“Yeah?” I replied, wondering why his voice sounded scratchy.

“C- can you ring me up? Lou won’t answer his phone.” He told me, and I obliged him like the good friend I was.

I went and got some of my medical marijuana after buzzing Harry up, the cancer pain a slight ache now that my medicine had worn off a little, and lit a joint after making sure my windows were fully open and I was close to the balcony.


End file.
